John Lazarus

Trouble on Dibble Street

Synopsis

Sir John Falstaff is a big man with big appetites. Recently retired from the military, he has chosen to settle in Prescott, Ontario, but he’s both flat broke and in want of female companionship. So he decides to solve both problems, by seducing some local wealthy married woman and getting his hands on both her husband’s money and herself. He decides to double his chances, by sending the same love letter to two Prescott wives: Meg Page, married to the owner of the local dry-goods emporium, and Alice Ford, who has moved to town from Ottawa with her banker husband. What Falstaff doesn’t know is that the women are faithful wives and, despite their class differences, great friends. Once they’ve literally compared notes, they decide to teach him a lesson, by setting up a false assignation with Alice, which Meg will then sabotage. However, Alice’s notoriously jealous husband learns of the assignation, assumes it’s real, and sets out to sabotage it himself.

Meanwhile, the Page family has troubles of their own: their daughter Anne is about to come into money, and so is being set upon by three local suitors: an awkward local boy whom her father favours, a middle-aged francophone doctor from Montreal – Meg’s choice – and a poor but honest young farmer who loves her for herself and not her fortune, and whom Anne loves back.

It all culminates in an elaborate prank played on Falstaff by a swarm of fake fairies, during which Anne elopes with her true love, and her other two suitors come close to accidentally marrying each other, which, as it turns out, would probably be fine with them.

Critical Responses

“HOMETOWN CHARM SUITS BARD… chock full of wit… hilarity… A hundred years after this trouble is over, it is a street well worth visiting.”

– Ron Zajac, the Brockville Recorder Times, July 13, 2010

“WONDERFUL TROUBLE ON DIBBLE STREET… If you’re throwing a birthday party anyway, you may as well invite one of William Shakespeare’s great party animals… a new, madcap comedy… Whether the context is Elizabethan or small-town Ontario, the plot and characters are universal… The play underscores traditional values of community and family with a light touch that’s especially appropriate for summer theatre.”

– Patrick Langston, The Ottawa Citizen, July 16, 2010

Production History

Trouble on Dibble Street, adapted from Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor, was commissioned in 2008 by Ian Farthing, then Artistic Director of the St. Lawrence Shakespeare Festival, Prescott, Ontario, to be part of the 2010 bicentennial of the City of Prescott. It was produced by the Festival in the summer of 2010, directed by Craig Walker.

Requirements

11 M, 8 F, plus townspeople and children. Multiple settings. A full-length play in two acts.

Special Note:

The play could be adapted by the author for use by other communities, with a different title (Dibble Street is the real name of a street in Prescott) and different local references.

Excerpt

NICHOLAS FENTON is the poor young farmer who’s in love with ANNE PAGE. DR. CAILLOU and ABE SLENDER are ANNE’s two other suitors. WILLA is ANNE’s younger sister.

ANNE (enters with FENTON): Now, then, Nicholas, what’s this awful thing you want to confess to me?

FENTON: Anne, since I started courtin’ you, I’ve realized I’m not in love like I thought I was.

ANNE: Oh.

FENTON: Let me explain. I’ve always liked you, Anne, ever since we were little. I always thought you were sweet and kind and good and pretty, you got real good marks in school, and you have the best table manners I’ve ever seen.

ANNE: Why, thank you, Nicholas.

FENTON: You’re welcome, Anne. And now, since we’ve got older, I’ve spent some awfully happy hours, alone in my bed at night, imaginin’ you were – uh – my wife.

ANNE: Why, Nicholas, that’s so sweet.

FENTON: It is? Oh. Good.

ANNE: But now you dream of another?

FENTON: Well, not – It’s just – As you might know, my family’s fallen on hard times. I knowed Father drank some – I used to go to the Daniels sometimes to bring him home – but we still reckoned he’d leave a good estate. But when he died, Mother and I got a rude awakening. He left us nothin’ but debts. We still have the land, but it’s all mortgaged and we can’t hire nobody to work it with me. It’s been real hard on Mother.

ANNE: I’m so sorry, Nicholas.

FENTON: Thank you, Anne. When I heard you were receivin’ suitors an’ that, I thought about courtin’ you, penniless as I am. And then I heard you’re to come into a big fortune on your next birthday, and I’m ashamed to say, that clinched it. The awful truth is that when I started wooin’ you, your money was one of my main reasons, I guess.

ANNE: Well, that’s honest of you to say so.

FENTON: But now, like I said, something’s gone wrong in my wooing. I’ve fallen out of love with your money, Anne, ‘cause I’ve fallen in love with you.

ANNE: Oh!

FENTON: I know your folks think I only want your money. I don’t know the rules in your grandpa’s will – whether they can stop the inheritance if they don’t like your choice of a husband –

ANNE: Well, you see, the way it works –

FENTON (puts his fingers to her lips): No, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know, I can work to pay my own – My gosh, your lips are soft.

ANNE: I was going to say, the way it works is, I don’t know either. But if I ask now, Daddy might guess it’s for you.

FENTON: Then don’t bother. I don’t care. (Touches her cheek.) I’d be happy to see Dr. Caillou run off with half your fortune – oh, your cheek is as soft as your lips – and Abe Slender could elope with the other half, if I could only have you.

ANNE: Oh, Nicholas. (They kiss. Enter WILLA, singing wordlessly the Love Theme from Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet; she sees them, and exit. They come out of the kiss.) No, we mustn’t!

FENTON: Mustn’t we?

ANNE: Well, not now. People are coming.

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