John Lazarus

Village of Idiots

Synopsis

A family comedy based on Eastern European Jewish folktales of the village of Chelm. Chelm is a real city in Poland, which, in the 17th through 19th centuries, was a shtetl, or small village with a significant Jewish population, and got the reputation among the other villages as the place where all the fools lived.

Village of Idiots weaves together dozens of traditional stories and jokes into the tale of Yosef, a deserting soldier on the run, who decides to hide out in Chelm, partly because of his attraction to young Miriam, the other Outsider in the village. At first Yosef is merely annoyed by the “Chelmniks,” who light every match in the box to make sure they all work, or who don’t understand that when you’re cutting down a tree, the saw moves and the tree stands still. But when word reaches Chelm that the Cossack soldiers are planning a pogrom – a violent raid on the village – and Yosef desperately tries to help his new neighbours prepare for the attack, the apparent foolishness of the Chelmniks ceases to be a laughing matter.

Critical Responses

“HEARTWARMING… VILLAGE OF IDIOTS PERFECT CHOICE [to open the new venue for Prairie Theatre Exchange]… As happy a housewarming as any theatre-goer could wish for… A feel-good kind of play… And it’s a good play… Between the yuks, there are some very incisive lines in this play… Village of Idiots is crazy and funny and also, at times, quite poignantly tender… It is through their familiarity as folktale stereotypes that this play works, for it’s only because you think you know the place that it can still surprise you.”

– Karen Crossley, Winnipeg Sun, October, 1989

“The play is gentle, sentimental, broad of humour and great of heart… It takes formidable art to support such determined silliness, and even more to show the awry but supple sense behind the apparent lunacy. The result is one splendidly cheering play… The delightful family of characters… make Chelm a place we’d all like to know.”

– Randal McIlroy, the Winnipeg Free Press, October, 1989

“What a terrific play!… humorous, touching, uplifting, insightful, and curiously provocative in the questions that it raises about the nature of true wisdom.”

– Glen Langton, Southern Manitoba Review, November, 1989

“FULL OF WIT AND WISDOM… There’s a sweet chaos about this script…gently lunatic, a kind of quiet Yiddish Bacchanal… an absurd and lovely celebration.”

– Colin Thomas, the Georgia Straight, June, 1990

“WHERE COMIC ABSURDITY REIGNS… This little charmer of a show…is full of the kind of laughter that leaves you sort of helpless.”

– Lloyd Dykk, The Vancouver Sun, June, 1990

Production History

Village of Idiots is John’s most popular play. Although the size of its cast makes it appropriate for amateur and school companies, this is the play of his that has had the largest number of both amateur and professional productions.

Commissioned by Young People’s Theatre in 1985, it has since been produced all over the world, including a staged reading at the 92nd Street Y in New York City, and a production in Italian at the legendary Goldoni Theatre in Venice. It was adapted by the author into both an award-winning National Film Board cartoon short and an award-winning CBC Radio drama miniseries. It has been anthologized in several collections.

Requirements

10 M, 6 F, and other villagers and Cossacks to taste; but can be done with as few as eight actors. Multiple settings. This is a full-length play in two acts. A one-act version is also available upon request.

Excerpt

Early winter. A meeting-room in the Synagogue. An interior wall, a table and some benches. Onstage are the Sages of Chelm – the RABBI, ZISYAH, FEYVEL, SCHMENDRICK, MESHOLEM, who is keeping the minutes – and YOSEF, our Outsider hero. The meeting is supposed to be about preparing for a pogrom, or attack on the village by the Russian Cossack soldiers, which they know is coming in spring. But as this excerpt begins, the Sages have been arguing about whether to serve red or white wine with chopped liver. The RABBI has left the table to gaze out the window. Outside, a snow begins to fall.

RABBI: Fellow Sages – forgive me for interrupting such a stimulating exchange of views, but I see that we have an emergency. Come look. (ALL go look out the window.)

YOSEF: What is it?

SCHMENDRICK: Yes. There’s a magnificent invasion taking place right now.

YOSEF: Where!

FEYVEL: Far more important than a pogrom that isn’t going to happen until Passover anyway.

YOSEF: What are you all talking about?

MESHOLEM: The first snowfall – of the winter. (An awestruck silence.)

RABBI (hushed): Look at this. This is a treasure.

FEYVEL: This is diamonds and pearls.

MESHOLEM: So delicate. So magical, this first snow – and so quick to melt.

ZISYAH: Yeah… Too bad we’re all gonna schlep through it and shmeer it into slush.

SCHMENDRICK: True. Ah, it’s the way of the world.

RABBI (hushed, excited): No! Wait! The way of the world is not the way of Chelm! We will pass a by-law. We will forbid our fellow Chelmniks to walk on the first snow of the year. We will allow it to melt, unshmeered!

MESHOLEM: The Rabbi is a genius!

SCHMENDRICK: A sage among sages.

ZISYAH: Of course, Yosef thinks it’s stupid. No?

YOSEF: No, actually, Yosef has to admit, it’s a charming idea.

FEYVEL: Hah! Even Yosef likes it! Write it down, Mesholem!

MESHOLEM: I’m writing, I’m writing!

RABBI: Mesholem, go forth with this proclamation. Knock on all the doors and tell the Chelmniks not to walk on the snow.

MESHOLEM: Right away, Rabbi! (He is about to step out into the snow, when YOSEF grabs him by the neck and pulls him back.) Careful! I’m a disabled person!

YOSEF: Rabbi, you’re forgetting something!

RABBI: Wha?

YOSEF: Mesholem will walk on the snow and mess it up himself!

SAGES (clapping hands to foreheads): Oy…

RABBI: Another meeting! Quickly, Sages of Chelm, let us consult!

(The SAGES return to the table and consult, showing each other Scriptural passages. YOSEF addresses the audience.)

YOSEF: One evening last week, the Rabbi asks Miriam to wake him up before dawn. So the next morning she tiptoes into the Rabbi and Rebbetsin’s bedroom, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder, and whispers, “Rabbi: time to get up.” And then she goes down to the kitchen to start breakfast. The Rabbi gets up, he stumbles around in the dark, and by mistake he happens to put on the Rebbetsin’s dress. He comes into the kitchen – sees that he’s wearing his wife’s dress – and starts yelling at Miriam: “You fool, you Outsider you! I ask you to wake me, and instead you go and wake up my wife, the Rebbetsin!” And then he goes back to bed. (Beat.) These people against the Cossacks.

(The SAGES have hit upon a plan. MESHOLEM kneels on the table and the other SAGES each grab a leg.)

SAGES: One – two – three – At azoi! (“Just like that”/”There we go.” They lift the table and push past YOSEF.) Out of the way, Yosef! Out of the way! (The SAGES begin to make their way offstage.)

MESHOLEM (proclaiming): A proclamation! To all citizens of Chelm! It is forbidden for any Chelmnik to tread upon the first new snowfall of the year! The snow will be left to melt, untouched by human foot! (They exit.)

YOSEF: Of course when they see what this does to the snow, then next year they’ll have four more Chelmniks carrying a table supporting the first four Chelmniks carrying the table supporting – (Beat.) Next year. What next year?

*****